I find myself asking this rhetorical question, what is love? Why do we all seem to crave it? Even those crotchety old men, they search for it too. What is about love that we all share the same need to be loved and to give love. Oh we all have many ways we express love, but deep down - it's the same. We are looking for someone to see thru us inside our souls and love us anyway. Yet, do I really want to love? that's the dilemma. We all want it, but we can't seem to give it.
Most of the folks I know compromise. Yes, I know that is what relationships are about... Nope! How many couples do you know that are together for 20 plus years, and think with superiority that they are doing just super. Yet, when you look into their world, oh they compromise all right. The dads are doing the work thing, supporting the family. The women, they are doing the mom thing, taking care of children, ferreting the kids around, involved with school blah blah blah. I know, I did the same thing - ha!
Yet, when do they come together and say, God I love you! When do they look into each other's eyes and say Man i just love you. Ask the man to tell you the color of her hair. Believe me - I have, and they can't tell you. They don't know how long it is, the color. .. they just come up blank. Crazy? yes, I think so too! They live together, but never SEE each other. But....just because 90% of the couples I know are like that. Wow, it's that one couple that you know. They are together for 25 plus years. They are into their 50's. You visit their home and it is love. You can feel it. Yes, he looks at her, you barely caught it - but it's that look. The one that says you are to die for! Your the one who makes me want to get up in the mornings and join life.
Compromise, yes in the right context it is a fine word. It is a necessary word - especially with relationships. However, 90% of the couples I know compromise in ways where love shouldn't compromise. They are partners in with the only priority to raise the kids. Family is important only because of the kids. These couples actually congratulate themselves because they are together - look at all the divorce around them! They scoff at those. Great, just what we need - more children raised with the idea that marriage is mediocre at best. That Mom and Dad live together, sleep together, but without passion. No wonder girls grow up with that negative sex connotation. If you grew up like I did, where passion was evident, you realize the faux pas. Isn't passion the vitality of life? Don't tell me passion dies, it just finds other avenues.
Why is it that married couples are more passionate about their jobs, the church, about sports, or the latest movie/book - then they are for their partner. Yet they pat themselves on the backs. We aren't divorced, hey we are not having affairs, but they would rather spend their time with the children, or alone on mini breaks - then spending it with their spouse. Oh yeah, that is giving the other person his "space" - okay, whatever.... Space is freedom to be yourself with that other person. Who accepts you as you are.
I can't compromise. I tried. I think, alright, I am attractive, I could find a guy - settle down and marry him. But....then I look at that 10% group. Yes fortunately I actually know those couples that I speak about who love each other. One couple are in their 70's. They have been married for more than 50 plus years. My God! you would think they would be bored, tired angry people after all those years. I have never seen two people more in love then they are. It is in their eyes, the way they look at each other- the way they treat each other. Not a polite stilted conversation, but a communing of ideas, of listening. the giving of special treats for each other, those little notes of encouragement. Amazing!!!!
That is why I can't compromise. I cannot drop into a relationship because I am lonely, or bored or needing companionship. I'll get a pet before that day comes. No - I am looking for that one person who I can look into their eyes and know that I don't just accept them for who they are, but I love them for who they are. Yes, their quirkiness can get old. I am not talking infatuation here, I am talking about love that grows from that initial spark and actually gets fed for years and years. Like wine, by the time you retire that love can be sweeter, more potent than when you were young and just hormonal. The sweet sweet aroma of love stomped by years of life, added with the bitterness of disappointments shared that gives it the full body taste of .... ha okay getting dorky now with the wine allegory. You get the picture - right?
love is not a compromise, yes you compromise in relationships, but you never ever compromise love.
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